I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
