im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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