you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
