my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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