What a fucking waste of an outfit
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize