I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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