Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
