I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
