i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
