I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Two words: nipple clamps
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