I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
