I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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