I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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