I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
