im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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