He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
