I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
