Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
