I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
