Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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