The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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