somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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