the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were destined to go to rehab together
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just forgot I was standing up.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
