I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
