I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
