I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
