I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
