i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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