just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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