i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
