Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
