dude i'm inner monologue high
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
