i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
