Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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