her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
