hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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