The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
