The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
