Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
