So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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