nut hugger
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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