apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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