Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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