she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
