I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
