Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
