PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my shit smells like andre
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
