She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
