So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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