I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
