Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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