I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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