That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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