He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
