When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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