you traded sex for a burrito?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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