Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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