so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
