Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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