If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
