if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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