she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize