Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
