My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to make out with him forever
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize