Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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